Codependency, abandonment issues, attachment disorder, communication problems, and sexuality issues, are all very common in intimate relationships and can often lead to breaking up. Relationship counseling supports issues that stem mostly from past traumas and childhood upbringings. Once acknowledged, these problems can be mended through therapy and hard work. However, it is very important to be honest with everything that is happening within oneself. I can help you (with or without your partner) to explore these wounded areas, so you can begin to create a strong and loving relationship again. I can help you to embrace your own shadow, as well as your partner’s, and to see that the real beauty of togetherness comes from being everything that you already are--the good and the bad.
Finding love is a deep desire within all of us, and for most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful factors of their lives. Love feeds our soul in a way that reminds us of our truest nature. When we are in love, we learn about vulnerability, selflessness, compromise, and generosity. Love gives our lives meaning. Suddenly, we have something bigger than ourselves to live for.
The early period of a relationship can feel exhilarating and effortless. We become consumed by thoughts of the other person, and we are intrigued by the mystery of what we don’t know about him or her. We see their qualities as the perfect fit--either to match similar attributes within ourselves, or to fill the void of what we do not possess. Suddenly, we feel whole. And it is this illusion of completeness that allows us to present only our best selves. Our shadow side gets pushed under the rug, and for a temporary period of time, we aren’t able to see the ugliness of ourselves, our partner, or even the world. Everything is beautiful when we fall in love. Therefore, it makes sense that we would seek it out. However, like everything in life, relationships change. Eventually, time reshapes our partner’s image as well as our own. And we soon come to realize that, just like us, they too, are human.
Because of the deep vulnerability that a romantic relationship requires, all parts of ourselves get exposed. This can be terrifying--especially if we have built strong guards. Love knows how to get through our guards, but without that armor, we are very susceptible to pain. Like any relationship in life, we show up along with our life experience. However, when we are in an intimate relationship, we have less protective armor. Therefore, the parts of ourselves that we dislike most, the parts created from our past traumas, have a much better chance of being exposed. And when two people are relating to each other from their places of trauma, it can be a disaster.
It’s the moments of hardship that pull you close! It’s the moments of being accepted despite your flaws that allow you to grow and discover parts of yourself that you would never even imagine existed if it weren’t for being in love. Through relationship counseling, I can help you and your partner rediscover your love for one another, so you can feel the same excitement you did in the beginning of your relationship, yet with a much deeper love and appreciation for each other. I am experienced in couples therapy and offer counseling to both individuals and couples. Contact me today to schedule an appointment in my Longmont or Boulder, CO office.
